Your Willingness is Everything
Okay y'all I gotta preach for a moment.
There's a passage in A Course in Miracles that says
"Trust not your good intentions. They are not enough. But trust implicitly your willingness, whatever else may enter. Concentrate only on this, and be not disturbed that shadows surround it...
Come to it not in arrogance, assuming that you must achieve the state its coming brings with it. The miracle of the holy instant lies in your willingness to let it be what it is. And in your willingness for this lies also your acceptance of yourself as you were meant to be." (T-18.IV.2. 2-4 and 7-9)
I've been reveling in this recently. How often are we people of solely good intentions but not actions? How often are we afraid the allies we should be because of fear of what it means to put our bodies into motion, to move our selves toward justice.
This passage reminds me of two things:
Firstly, it starts with WILLINGNESS. Our willingness to change is the first step. It's looking at our fears, our situation, and even the systemic issues facing us, seeing them for what they truly are and say, "I am willing to do something about it. I am willing to imagine something better. I am willing."
That's what the followers of Jesus did in the early days of The Way. They didn't know what the hell they were doing, they were just following Jesus' lead. They were fully willing even when they didn't fully know what would happen.
So many of my clients, when we begin to imagine the life they want to create for themselves, I hear, "Well, I'm just not there yet." And I've said that too. I'm just not there yet.
This passage tells us that we don't need to be there to come to God in the present moment. It doesn't matter if we've gotten over the trauma, fully deconstructed our faith, become the perfect ally, repented of our sins, atoned for our bullshit, no!
The miracle is that the answer is not to try and be fixed before you do the work of fixing yourself.
It's that the moment you take a step forward into it, you are healed. And with the next step, you heal again. Constantly remembering to come back to your center, to this present moment, the only moment where God exists and the only moment where you exist.
It is in the moment you realize that you're not there yet, but you desire to be there, you're willing to do the work to move towards God and towards your Self, that somehow in some kind of weird way... you there. Because you were always there. You just needed to remember that you were. And you (and I) need constant reminders that we always are.
Always in the Presence.
Always in Love.
And even if you don't feel that way in the present moment, for whatever reason, be it circumstance or depression or you're just feeling shallow and petty (me), know that it's okay.
Our dear brother Thomas Merton prayed this for us:
"My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
*But I believe that the desire to please you
does in fact please you.*
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though
I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."
Do not presume that your intentions will heal you. You must be willing to cultivate a practice that will lead you to life. And sometimes it starts with just the simple prayer of “God help me. I am willing to change, just show me what to do.”
So if that’s you, and you need a prayer. Borrow this one:
“God, I am willing to be different if it means getting rid of this shit that I’m carrying. I am willing to change my mind about my circumstances. Help me to line up my actions with my will, and my will with Yours. For my good and for the good of those around me. For my healing, and the healing of those around me. Tell me exactly what I need to do. Who do I need to pray for? Who do I need to forgive? What do I need to forgive in myself? What do I need to change in my circumstances? In my behavior?
Holy Spirit, remind me of my true identity. I am a Child of God, and all of my multiplicities and intricacies and diversities are included in your Divinity. I stand unashamed of myself and receive and recognize the Love that is always present within myself because you are always present within me.
I listen for your voice and am willing to respond to the call.
Amen.”
After spending time praying this, take some time to just listen. Listen for a still small voice. Maybe it sounds like yours, or the sound of a loving parent. But just listen.
Open up word doc or get a notepad, and just start with the words, “Dear (Your First Name)…” and let God talk back to you. If nothing is coming, imagine what Love might say to you. Imagine what an all Loving God who adores you would say to you. Don’t think or analyze it too much. Just do it.
May these words bless you and give you peace, beloved.
